Things I wish about
I wish that there really were such a thing as magic. Not snap your fingers and a muffelata (with turkey and salami) or a new car appears kind of magic. Or all your dreams come true if you wish on a star magic either. But the kind of magic that lives in every moment from day to day and that is always there infusing people with happiness and kindness. The kind of magic that isn’t wizards or witches or Harry potter or knights on shiny white horses with wings. But magical essence (that such described things bely with you read about them or think about them) that could be instilled in all things. So that when you need a warm feeling from the wind, or kisses from snowflakes or a lost dog waiting under a streetlight to appear and go home with you, those things actually happen.
I wish that life were more like a novel and I were the heroine as opposed to the tired weary shell I have become that gets in her car every morning, drives to a designated spot, gets out of the car, goes to a designated set of places, gets back in the car, goes to bed. I wish I felt like there was some purpose to this banal mundane set of daily life, because right now, I really don’t.
I wish I could crash on a plane on a desert island like the people on Lost and then I could forget about everything that is weighing on me right now like a ton of lead bricks and I could just run around in the jungle in my amazingly clean clothes and hang out with hot guys and drink liquor from a secret stash and get as much sun as I possibly can. You can never have too much vitamin D.
I wish romance were real, I wish love was a real thing. I wish I didn’t feel so disappointed in myself all the time, and I wish that this semester would just hurry up and end. I wish people were desperate and mad and crazy and passionate, like that Jack Kerouac quote I read everywhere all the time. I wish I listened to my own advice, and I wish people would listen better - I mean really listen and not sit there and think about how or why they care or how and what they can do to fix my situation. I wish that eating tasty food wasn’t generally laden with calories (maybe then butter and rice and corn and salmon and cream shouldn’t be so damn tasty).
I’m so frustrated right now, and I’m not even going to get a spring break.
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Fried catfish on a bed of leeks with almonds
I felt bad about writing that rant (but I’m not going to delete it because I firmly stand behind it) so I decided to post my latest cooking foray into fried catfish.
I made fried catfish a couple of weeks ago (it’s kind of expensive at $4.25 per pound, although I only buy 2 filets at a time, which is about 1/2 pound) and found the Zatarain’s seasoned fish fry mix to be a bit bland. Also, I just love that beautiful golden color that fish filets get. So when I was grocery shopping today I had a whim for some more catfish tonight, so I went ahead and bought some filets.
To compensate for the lack of zing in the fry batter, I seasoned the filets with cayenne pepper (a generous helping, probably a tablespoon per 1/2 filet). I also added pepper to the egg yolk that I dipped them in before battering them. These filets cooked up much nicer than last time, probably because they weren’t nearly as thick and I had the oil hotter.
Also to add a little spice, I decided to use up the rest of the leeks I had in my fridge from when I made lime-sesame seed salmon with leeks, carrots and sugar snap peas. I love leeks because they have a very delicate aroma, and although they are the monster size of scallions (green onions), their flavor is more subtle. The only problem with leeks is the long prep time, since you really have to wash all that dirt out of every single one of the many many layers.
At the end I topped it with almonds because almonds are just a nice additive to a lot of things. Nuts are really good for you, and they just really give the presentation a nice touch while adding a slightly woody flavor.
I’ve decided that presentation is just about as important to me as flavor. Even if it’s just me I’m cooking for.
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If there is one thing I am completely and utterly tired of, above all other things in this world that irk me, it is being taken for granted. I think that in this society and world that at some point or another everyone takes for granted someone else in their life, but it seems like to me that I am constantly treated this way. And it really ticks me off. I don’t know what it is about my personality that makes people think that they have to stop earning my respect and friendship to receive it, and heaven knows I wish I knew, but if it’s not one friend it’s the other who squashes all over me and expects me to sit by and idly take it.
I am not a confrontational person. I never have been. But neither am I passive aggressive. I don’t let it boil up inside of me after stewing slowly for a very long time and then suddenly explode on people. If you are pissing me off, you are going to find out some way or another because I have a hard time dealing with people when I am upset with them. At least I have a hard time dealing with them in a manner consistent with my previous behavior in our relationship. And yet still, even when I explain myself or certainly appear irked in a person who has recently squashed me’s presence, after a few promises to not do it again and few weeks later, the behavior is dutifully repeated.
When someone does something nice for me, I let them know of my appreciation. When someone goes out of their way for me, I thank them. These things are only to be expected. But it the small things in life that people do that leave the greatest profound impression upon me of a person’s integrity and character. It is when these people do the things that are right without being asked, that they do not expect the whole world to drop at the sound of their voice to hear what they have to say, it is when they listen (and I’m talking about the real kind of listening, not the kind where you just hear what a person is saying), it is when they do the VERY SMALL THINGS, that I am so impressed. And I always thank them. Sometimes I thank people just for being my friend, just for being there, just for giving me the time of day. I apologize to animals, I apologize to people, I try very hard to be humble, modest, kind and forgiving. But today I just feel incredibly irked.
I believe whole-heartedly in the phrase, “Treat others as you wish to be treated,” because it is a simple adage that everyone can easily live by. If you wish to be treated with respect, have respect for all people. If you wish to be treated with kindness, you must be kind. And even when you live by this phrase as best as you can, you must never forget that it is a daily thing. You cannot be kind to someone once and expect them to always be kind back to you if you fail to continue earning their kindness. The key is that you must CONTINUALLY earn the behavior you want from other people by behaving in a manner which will elicit these behaviors. It is not a complicated system!
Therefore it is not right to take your anger out on others when it is yourself that you are angry at. It is not right to go off and sulk when someone has treated you with respect and given you a logical explanation for their behavior - because they have treated you with respect and you are not reciprocating. It is not right to ask for friendship and then take advantage of the good nature of others to get what you think you want. You must always always always act in a manner consistent with being a good person.
Now, I am not saying I am always perfect. I have my moments in which I can become impetuous and incorrigible. Sometimes when I am upset I can become short with others. And when I find myself in the presence of people who have asked for my friendship but have done nothing to earn it, I feel awkward and angry and sorry for that person. But I try very hard, I strive to achieve what I believe is right. And when I make a mistake, I admit them, even if it is very hard for me, and I apologize. And those friends that have been with me through everything these last three years - have earned my respect and friendship continually and forever, just as I continue to earn their trust and friendship (thanks Meredith and Elissa) for as long as they will give it to me. And because I hate when people stomp all over me, I try as best as I can to always show my appreciation for their devotion to my most-likely lost cause.
Sorry for the rant. But because of recent events and feelings that I have tried to put into words for a long while now, I needed an outlet to express one of the things that I feel is most fundamental to building and maintaining good friendships. You must treat someone as you wish to be treated always, continually and for as long as you wish to remain their friend. Do not take advantage of a friend’s good nature and faith in you, because essentially it makes you a selfish person unworthy of the friendship to begin with.
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