All madness, all the time
I could not win last week. Just when things were looking up, something else went to crap. I am just hoping at this point that this means all my crappy days and bad luck are out of the way for the rest of the semester, and I can get down to what really matters - school and getting Beau healed.
Mon: Faye was up at 5:30 a.m. Normally, I just put her in the bathroom so I can keep sleeping until 7. I should have known when she didn’t get excited (because normally if I get up it means we’re going outside for potty then breakfast) that something was up. At 5:32 a.m. there was a violent diarrhea explosion all over my bathroom. Dammit. I never could fall asleep.
Texas A&M Athletics also decided to deny me football tickets on my sportspass (that I have had for 5 years), telling me I must have bought them too late and their computers weren’t updated yet. Too bad I bought them in July and paid tuition the day it was posted. I parked illegally, yelled at some poor student worker, and got a crappy seat not with my friends.
That night, after one of the best afternoons of my life, one of the best relationships of my life ended. I’m still trying to figure that one out, but you can’t be in a relationship with somebody if that person doesn’t want to be in it as well. So now, I just feel like an embarassed fool, which luckily doesn’t differ too much from my normal status quo. Gave my sports pass away to someone who could use it and enjoy it a lot more than me.
Tues: The box from hell scared the crap out of Faye. There was a box, on the counter, that had been there, not moved or changed, for a week. But today, the box was out to get her, and long after the box was removed, I had to drag her in and out of the doorways it had been within 100 miles of. While I was making dinner, Beau was sleeping in the pantry and as I turned around with a hot pot of steaming broccoli, he lifts his head and I kick him square in the damaged ear (which has been getting steadily worse). I proceed to sob on the floor, cradling a whimpering Beau, for 30 minutes while my food gets cold.
Gave away my crappy ticket to the person I gave the sports pass to.
Wednesday: I come home to find that some asshole truck decided to drive up into my lawn and make a huge smush of my grass that I work very hard on to keep nice. It’s not nearly impossible to mow that section of lawn. I do, however, get to go horseback riding and I don’t fall off. After taking the dogs to the park, I go to move a sprinkler and walk right into a ginormous spider web. Much screaming and frantic brushing myself off ensues.
Thursday: I learn I am bad at my job. First I forget to get the drinks from the SCAVMA person, then when I go to pick up the food for the Natura feeding program, I find out they’ve sent me the wrong thing. When delivering the food to people, I mistake one person’s order for another, give one person a coupon and give away a bag of food that I thought had no home, but in fact belonged to someone else. Thus, I created more work for myself. I come home around 7 to find two incredibly crazy hound dogs and take them to the park where Faye proceeds to eat voluminous amounts of mud, and Beau tries relentlessly to hump a friend’s dog.
Friday: School is (thankfully) uneventful, and I am enjoying my new project at one of my jobs. I am getting most of the food fiasco sorted out. I come home, happy, excited - only to find that my neighbor who just put in new grass (and is two houses down) is flooding out my yard with all her runoff, causing my grass to develop a fungus. Yay for free water, bad for fungus. I was hoping my yard would be dried out so I could mow it - but instead I have to mow in the squishy thick uneven yard. I also come home to find voluminous amounts of Faye diarrhea once again splattered all over my bathroom. It’s been there for hours and there are flies all over the place and it stinks the whole house to high heaven. I call my mom, have a slight breakdown over the phone and cry while picking up stinky poo and cursing this week.
Also, my weedeater string ran out 1/3 of the way through the yard. And because the grass was wet, all the clippings are still on the sidewalk. Oh and I had three weeks worth of laundry to do. And I walked into another spider web while moving sprinklers. At least the dogs and I had a good walk.
Saturday: My neighbor and I went to the football game together. I had hopes that we would be in the non-student section and I could sit my tired butt down the whole time, but instead we are stuck with a bunch of freshmen (God I hate that Wildcat) and have to stand the whole time. At least it was down on first deck, 14 rows back from the field. And lunch was good and the company was pleasant. And the sun went down and it wasn’t god awful hot. Also, Jeff bought me a snowcone, which is pretty good in my book.
However, upon returning back home, I find confetti all over my floor (at least no diarrhea). This is because Beau has decided to eat my parasitology notes that I left on the coffee table (they had been there for several days). So all my keys and my notes and my annotations are now more or less in his GI tract and I’m just waiting to see the pink, blue and yellow flecks start appearing in his poop. It just hope it’s not diarrhea.
Since it was late, I just went to bed, but the dogs were slightly manic from no walk and it took a good while to calm them down before I could finally fall asleep.
Sun: Nothing so far… but it’s only 1:30 and I haven’t left the house today. In fact, maybe I won’t ever leave my house again. At least there hasn’t been any diarrhea…
moose on the loose | Comment (1)Why I would Do Anything For him
I love how at the end of a long day at school, and many, many horrible things happening to me, that I can crawl in to bed at night and he’s right there. He can’t sleep up with me anymore, I’m tired of the dirt and the hair, but he’s right there on the left side of my bed. And when it’s still and quiet in the witching hour, I can listen and hear the deep rhythm of his breathing. Faye snores in her corner, but Beau is always truly, deeply at rest. Like he had a hard day too. Like he understands exactly what I went through and knows that misery loves company. He’s the steady in my life, the constant shadow I watch out for when I step out of bed, the little nudge with a cold nose in the morning, the bright brown eyes that make my heart melt everytime I look in to them.
So much changes around me, everything is always getting worse or getting betters, and Beau, he’s always the same. A little more excited or a little more sleepy, but his needs and wants are constant and enough for me to handle.
I read in a book that the reason people have dogs is because its like the perfect marriage. You can give as much, or as little, as you like, and it’s always returned in excess. Dogs don’t nag and they don’t care what you look like or that you haven’t showered since yesterday. They are happy to do what you want to do, just as they are happy to share their interests with you (we’re always very excited about poop and squirrels at my house). They are content with silence, they are content with laughter and noise. My dogs sleep through everything. They don’t argue you with you about how you spend your money, how you dress, why you are miserable at your job all the time. They don’t trade you in for the newer model when you get old and they look just as bad but they want to think they are puppies again. The point is - they don’t care. They just want you - every little piece and smell and quirk of you - and they always give back. They are selfless and they are forgiving. It’s why we can love them so much and rarely find ourselves divorcing them.
I would give anything for Beau. He’s everything I have. I don’t care if we have to live in a box the rest of our lives, as long as I have him, everything is right in this world, no matter how much it spins so violently out of control. He’s only himself and I only have to be myself around him. All my hats and costumes get left at the door and nothing else matters.
He needs a TECA - total ear canal ablation. It will cost a fortune. At first, I was worried about the cost, the impact, the possible student loans that may result. But now, none of that matters. He’s the single most important thing to me in the whole world simply for the fact that unlike everyone else, he’s never once lost faith in me or found me unworthy. So he’ll get his TECA, he’ll live without any more infection in that ear, and I can at least pretend that I have slightly returned the favor for his constant unwavering friendship. Even if it means I will have to eat less and keep the A/C off for a month and delay getting any internet other than the dialup I have now… I just can’t bear the thought of him not having everything he needs.
Thanks, Beau, for being the best dog ever. Even if no one else understands you or wants you, you are everything to me, as always, and forever.
can't imagine life without them, obsession with dog | Comment (0)Three Days And Counting
Second Year starts on Monday. It’s sort of an overwhelming and underwhelming experience at the same time. First Year was so hard, and humbling, and here I am, happy, confident and well-rested at the dawn of the next two semesters of hell. I’m looking forward to it, I need something to do, and certainly I’m not all that excited about things kicking in to gear again, and yet I also dread it, what it means to be busy and studying and stressed out again. I’m nervous and confident, freaked out and ready. Mostly, I just want to get the whole ordeal over with as soon as possible.
This summer has been good to me, good to the dogs. Beau had me all summer, loving on him, snuggling with him, taking him to the park and longs walks in the morning and just being here for him which he adores. Faye has become adjusted to my nearly constant presence, to our routine and to her life here. When I start disappearing for 8 hours a day, things are going to be very different for her, I can imagine, but probably not hard. Mostly I just worry that she will get in to trouble while I am gone despite our training, and unlike Beau, she’s not too dumb to even consider getting into something she’s not supposed to touch. I’ll probably walk them in the mornings so they can stretch their legs and and of course they will get their walks in the evening. We might even go to the park still for the first week at least, especially since it’s so hot outside we can’t go right after school, but eventually I know that our trips there will drop off and it may be a select-weekend affair only.
Tomorrow is orientation and I have to sell both my club and my company for all they are worth. It’s pretty much an all-day affair and I know I will be tired at the end of it. Steven’s up at the lake, maybe I will go just to sit on the shore and let the waves lap my toes and watch the sunset. I am going to miss the lake.
Saturday my grandparents are coming up to see the new place and for lunch with my mom and my cool Aunt Leslie.
Sunday, if it is not raining, I’m going out to the lake again with Kat and Jordan and we’ll be meeting Steven up there for one last hurrah before my soul is stolen yet again and I am forced back into slavery vet school.
I’m not sure what to think, what to do. I don’t know how vet school will change things, will make things harder, or easier. I don’t know what to expect and I don’t enjoy being so unsure. I think the dogs feel my tension - we’ve been getting up a lot in the middle of the night to go out and they spend every moment in the closest proximity to me as is possible. Doesn’t matter that they are always asleep… they are always near me and I’m thankful for that.
blah blah blah, vet school | Comment (0)